I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
