He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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