in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
