who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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