do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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