Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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