Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
