i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
