Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize