We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
