i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
