I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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