glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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