booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
