he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i need some magic done to my vagina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
