Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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