JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
