ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
