every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
