Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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