can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
