I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
