wanna go halves on a baby?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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