I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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