your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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