Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
