sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So. Much. Porn.
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