I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
