6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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