Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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