I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
