I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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