I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
