3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
