Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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