i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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