is your mom at the bar?
we made out on top of his cat.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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