Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Boobs speak an international language.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
