Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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