A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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