did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
