So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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