my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
worst night to have a conscience
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
