I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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