just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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