So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
