Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
