so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
