So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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