Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
