I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
