I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
