Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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