when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
