just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
