I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
