were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My feet surprised me
Randomize
