she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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