i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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