I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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